This was it. After fighting the dragons and leaping across burning bridges, I was captured by the antagonist of the last page. I tilted my head down to see if my legs would move even an inch, but my mind was held captive by an unfamiliar host. My thoughts had shifted from being saved to being forgotten. And I didn't fight it. Even if I wanted to slay one last enemy, my tired bones could not obtain any miniscule of strength. I had misplaced my emotion to feel and transformed into a character unwilling to add words at the end of the book. I was simply searching for a pen to add one last simple phrase to the final sheet of paper. The End.
I massacred every God-given talent I received upon birth. God entrusted me with far more power than I deserved & far too many opportunities that I turned my back on. I placed my face into my cold palms, hoping that I would disappear to avoid the disappointment. I was a failure. I stamped that phrase into my brain with permanent ink. Ink so deeply embedded that no eraser could possibly wipe away the understanding of my true nature. My heart; however, acquired a small sliver of hope that I hid under the guilt I consistently grasped. That petite shaving of faith was my worst opponent. I could not bear anymore battle, which is why I locked away the only positive entity left within myself.
Why? Why does the light try and shine through the darkened clouds? Why does hope churn the innermost atom of my being? I was disabled and weakened by the years of scratching away at the white paint. All that was left behind of the once clean walls was misery and confusion. I had become unrecognizable. I felt the demonic ghost-like hands gripping at my clothes to pull me into a deeper, darker direction. How was that possible? I touched my shoulder anticipating the feeling of another's skin, but there was nothing but fabric. I was so alone that I craved even the touch of demons.
Lost on an empty street, I laid down on the double yellow lines. I never intended to search for a way out, I was simply looking for a way through, but the fog became too thick and my eyes were to tired. This was it. I shifted my eyelids towards my chin to disappear into a dark abyss. I couldn't help but rummage through my memories, wondering if there was any warm feeling to cling to before I left. I felt the first snowflake of winter touch my nose which in turn, warmed my heart. I heard the crashing of the giant waves dive into the ocean before kissing my toes on the shore. I cringed at the tightness of a loved one's embrace, but welcomed the feeling anyways. I studied the child laughing in pure joy at the beauty of life. I tasted it all. The aftertaste though, tugged my feet back to the ground. I felt the tears that continually burned my face. I heard the unforgiving words that never left my mind. I winced at the image staring back at me in the mirror.
I shook my head back to the reality of the concrete beneath me. I was ready. I was finished. As I was drowning my humanity inside me, I heard the wind rustle through the leaves. It prompted my eyes open which were met by the black street lamp that I was staring at before. I blinked a few times to focus my mind back on the purpose at hand. The last blink was caught by a gleam above me. I widened my eyes searching for the unknown. Suddenly, the lamp flickered like it was fighting it's fate. Within a minute, the bulb had illuminated brighter than it was before. I shaded my eyes from the glow, but was unable to achieve the darkness I so badly wanted to fade into. I adjusted to the sunny atmosphere and raised my body from the turf. I stumbled to the edge of the road and sat down on the curb, hoping to feel the villainous hands, but instead I was greeted with a warm blanket of desire for something more. One more day, I thought. One more page.
